If anyone is still following this blog, I have big news. I am now the newest official member of TellTale Fanfic Theater 3000, so you will primarily see future MSTs of mine there with the other members. Currently I can be found in:
Christian Humber Reloaded Part 1: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sBEZg1cQBGtMHKzmt0SDjdlSio6tumDuu7taB1uUybs/edit?hl=en_US
Until next time!
Now I proudly present the first fanfiction theater written for this blog instead of just out of a backlog of old ones. This one is an admitted trollfic, but that doesn’t bother me, as long as you take treat it seriously it can still be just as funny. I present one Cafe Hoax Zest’s magnum opus “The Darker Knight”.
The Darker Knight
Bruce Waine was sitting on computer reading repoort about many people being dead because of Batman when really because of Too-Face. Bruce Waine slam coffee mug on table and splash hit paper. Batman look at paper and see pichure of dead mom and dad.
How can he see the paper if it’s covered in coffee?
“i must not give up to stop this crime stopping.” Bruce Waine said. Bruce Waine goes to his his AIM and look for name of someone to help. Only one mperson online.
“Hello I’m Batman do you want to help me fight crime?” People totally won’t think this is some sort of child predator scheme…
“hello” Brucce Waine tiped.
“Yes.” tiped the other person.
“I am being accused of mumur.” Said Bruce Waine.
Cheer up Bruce, at least you’re not being accused of murder, oh wait…
“well i can help u.” tiped other person.
“Then we must team up.” Bruce Waine
“Indeed.” The person reply.
Soon Bruce Waine go to his cousin house to team up with Betty Waine.
Some people might ask how Bruce “Waine” knew that other person was actually this Betty Waine character, but I remembered an important detail that Cafe Hoax Zest seems to have as well: Batman is the world’s greatest detective!
He pull into house with Batmobile and see cousin standing there. Betty Waine had blues eyes and brown hairs. she was tall and skinny and war makeup. she looked like Meghan Fox and had boobs the size of melons that had vitemin d milk.
Betty, it might be a bit early to be saying this, but have you considered changing your name to “Mary Sue”?
“Cousin” Betty Waine said.
“Hello.” Says Bruce Waine.
“Now we must stop crime.”
Bruce Waine nodded and Betty Waine entered car. they drove back to gotham and went to back cave where Bruce Waine put on his batsuit and Betty Waine but on Bat Bikini.
Yep, all that bullet proof stuff and armor the batsuit provides isn’t really necessary. Betty could probably run around naked and not get harmed.
Batman and Batcousin go to middle of Gothham and lok for crime. Soon Too-Face comes to center and looks at Batman.
“You are ded” say Batman.
“Only my one face is dead. I have two!” Too-Face yell at Batman.
That’s… actually a pretty cool superpower. Except Two Face doesn’t have superpowers, at least in the Nolan movies which is what this story was posted under.
“Well I kill other face and make you deadface!” Batman is saying.
Batman through Batarang and it hit Too-Face but it only destoryed nonvital organs like Intestanes and liver and bladder.
Good thing it missed the vital ones like the appendix and gallbladder.
“That did not even hurt silly Bat.” Too0Face laughed.
Too-face jhumped at Batman and and tackle him to ground. Batcousin grbbed a hammer and smash Too-Faces two faces.
“Your corpse has been grinded” Batcousin yelled as raise bloody hummer over head.
Grinded?
But Killer Croc jump out of Bush and Bush and grab Too-Face’ses body.
“Roar” Killer croc yelled and ran off. “We fix Too-Face and we kill you all.” Then showed Batman that he capture Morgan Freeman.
…
“No! Morgan Freeman!” Batman yelled but was too late to be rescue him.
Morgan Freeman dropped geologist’s hammer and Batman picked it up.
Freeman was getting in character for his new movie “March of the Geologists”.
“I shall take this. And someday soon I will return it to you. Morgan Freeman.”
Camera zoomed out of Batman and light faded.
Batman, you ate a camera again? That could mess up your non-vital intestines and liver and bladder!
TOBE Continyoued
Next time on this insanely long story we meet up with Commissioner Gordon “Freeman”. You can see where this is going.
This is the last of the backlogged MSTs I’ve done, from now on it shall be new material.
This story comes from one “RogerRovensfeld” and is a gripping tale of a man trying to avenge the death of his brother. I think.
MORTAL KOMBAT:
COMBAT OF THE SHRINES
it was dark dreary day as lue kang practiced in his island temple with his kung fu action. “i must get revenge for assassin brother killers!”
Wait wait wait… wait. He wants revenge for the assassins who killed his brother? Liu’s brother must have been a jerk.
so he began to practice much more in a good way because there was evil warrior called shang sung who wanted death of lue kang klan with ways of evil! lue kang began to practice more and more as he hit the walls and hit the trees and shook them all the way down
but lue kang awoke from his dream… OR WAS IT A NIGHTMARE about the deth of his borthers. he began to cry and cry and then wept away the tears “no a kung fu man does not ever cry!”
Well put “Lue”, well put.
meenwhile jonny cage was filming the new movie cobra cages and he was beaters up the bad people. “i will became suesccesfool moving stars” and took care of evil fbi villians “well done” mystery man said behind jonny “you are a good movers tar i would like u to take part in compotishun”
“i will take part with utmost excellent!” said jonny happily with rage
Poor Jonny, it seems being a “moving stars” has caused him to go off the deep end. Being happy with rage is one thing, but next he’ll be shaving his head and talking in a British accent.
sonya blayd was playing DEATH and SEEK with kano with guns and was trying to find him and kill him
That sounds like a rather… intense game…
because he is bad guy with eye plate monocles but suddenlly kyno discovered sekrit portal and ujmpd thru! sonya was “OMIGDUD!” and jumped rite in THIS IS WHERE MORTAL KOMBAT BEGINS RAYDEN HAS THE POWER
If Mortal Kombat begins now, what was all that other stuff?
lue jonny and sonya met up together and proclaimed that they muts fight SCORPION SUB-ZERO AND KANO but the thunder rays attacked and raiyden was appeared “you r now the chosen warriors of heartfelled density! defeat these three villains and u save day!”
“ok i will go after scorpion” and jonny transported to the forest stage “ha ha ha i am scorpion you must be defeated with my spearsnakes” and the spearsnakes were shot at jonny “NO” said jonny “NO” and he dodged spearsnakes by ducking (like in matricks)
take this” said jonny cages and he threw flamers at scorpion and they hit him and he was hurt BUT!
BUt scorpion took his mask off “i am no longer ninja of humanity i am THE HELL GOATS”
…. What?
and he was inivsable but jonny took him down with crotch punch!
“OWCH””””” said scorpion and he died FATALITY!
Now that’s how you take someone down!
meenwhile loo kang was taking care of sub-zero who froze him “ha ha you cannot escape”
“YES but with kung fu power i use might of fright to crush ice blocks” and he smashed ice blocks in front of him “NO”
“eat this” said lue kang” and the through water at him and sub-zero exploded “NOOOOOOOO” said sub-zero and he admitted defeated FATAITY!
Lue Kang not only killed Sub-Zero with water but he also managed to talk and admit defeat after exploding! What a guy.
meanwhile sonya blayd was smackin down kane-os for breakfast by punching him in the face and he was hurt “oh no i am sorry sonya”
“YOU WONT B SORRY NOW!” and she punched him into spikes and he died oh no now mortla kombat ivictoyr is won[
Congratulations, your prize is a box of kane-os, part of a balanced breakfast!
FATALITY!
BUTTTTT
WELL DONE said mystery man “BUT THE FIGHT IS NOT OVER YTET” said shang sung “who is this guy” said lue “HA HA HA” said shang and he transformed into forearms man!
“NO!” said the hero! and they all defeated goro by pushing him over the cliffs OH GOD NO””””” said goro!
FATALITY
congratulations good sir “said mystery boy” but you cannot defeat me I TURN INTO YOUR FOES and he transformed into lue’s brother “NO IT IS MY BROTHER”
So it WAS a nightmare!
“dont attack me i am your bro”
“weait a minute you lies!” and lues put on his headbang and did ART OF 5-STAR THROEINWG on his brother
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” and he fell into the spiekpits!
“yes you did it lue kang!” WELL DONE “said raiden”
“well done!” said everyone!
BUT…
liu kang received fone call from his wife “lue kang this is wife”
“how are sons”
“PART OF BAD NEWS THEY ARE…
to be conitued?
Only part of the bad news? What horrors await Lue Kang on the fone call from his wife? Unfortunately we’ll never know as RogerRovensfeld never “conitued” it.
This story comes from author “Ketsuban”.
Two Mommies
a Pokemon fanfiction by Ketsuban
Seventeen-year-old Ash Ketchum grabbed a soda from the refrigerator,
plopped onto the sofa, and flipped on the television to watch a rerun of
his battle against the Hoenn League champion, Daigo.
So wait, the pokemon anime exists in this universe? Ash is watching his cartoon self? Or is his journey some sort of reality show now?
Ever since that
victory, he’d grown lazy and moved back home with his mother, and
planned to live there until he was thirty.
I don’t think that Ketsuban likes Ash very much.
“A-ash,” Delia scolded. “You know perfectly well that my -favorite- soap
opera is on right now.”
“Yeah, I know, Mom. But…”
“No buts.” Delia grabbed the remote and changed the channel. The logo
for “As the PokeWorld Turns” appeared, followed by an image of a
Bulbasaur lying in a hospital bed.
“Congratulations, it’s an egg!” a doctor said, handing an egg to the
Pokemon, who held it close to herself and glanced around suspiciously.
“Romano is going to try and kill my baby…”
Who is Romano? How can the bulbasaur talk?
Delia screamed something about Romano being a good guy, then composed
herself and wondered, “Say, why hasn’t -your- Bulbasaur had babies yet?”
Ash glanced over at his Squirtle and Bulbasaur, curled up asleep
together in a corner. “I dunno. Bulbasaur’s the girl, right?”
No wonder Ash isn’t a pokemon master yet, he can’t even be bothered to tell if his pokemon are male or female!
“I think so.”
“After they wake up I’ll take them to Professor Oak’s and ask.”
“ROMANO!” the Bulbasaur on the screen exclaimed as a shadowy Raichu
burst into the room.
Well at least we know who Romano is now.
—
“Professor O-ak!” Ash called into the laboratory. He was followed by
Pikachu, Bulbasaur, and Squirtle.
Pikachu came for kicks.
“Why, hello, Ash!” Oak appeared from somewhere, along with his wife,
Muk. “What is it?”
Professor Oak married Muk for her personality obviously.
“I just realized that Bulbasaur and Squirtle have never had babies, and
I came to find out why.”
Oak raised an eyebrow. “Why would they have babies?”
Pikachu nodded solemnly. Bulbasaur blushed, and Squirtle muttered
something in Squirtle-talk.
“They’ve mated a lot,” Ash explained. “They try to hide it, but
sometimes I peek in on them.”
Ash. Watches. His Pokemon. Mate. That is so wrong!
“BULBA!” Bulbasaur sank her teeth into Ash’s leg. Pikachu and Squirtle
tried vainly to pull her away.
“Muuuk.”
“Ash, I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll be blunt…” Oak cleared
his throat. “Bulbasaur and Squirtle are both female.”
That Oak can tell that from just a glance at them only furthers my assumption that Ash is the worst pokemon trainer in history.
Ash fainted, Bulbasaur still attached to his leg.
—
When he came to, a circle of faces was looking down at him – Oak, Muk,
Pikachu, Bulbasaur, Squirtle, and new arrivals Gary and Tracey, who were
naked except for towels wrapped around their waists.
Obviously they’ve been mating too.
“You okay, loser?” Gary wondered.
“Yeah, yeah… sorta freaked out, though…” Ash shot a paranoid glance
at Bulbasaur and Squirtle. Then he saw that Bulbasaur had one Vine Whip
vine extended, and was holding Squirtle’s hand.
“EWW!” He jumped to his feet and backed away quickly. “Ew. Ew.”
“What ‘ew’?” Tracey said. “They do that all the time.”
“But now I know they’re both girls.” Ash o.O’ed, and Tracey had to
restrain Gary to keep him from punching Ash.
Its some sort of anime-emoticon, I think.
“Bulba,” Bulbasaur spat.
“Tle,” Squirtle agreed.
“While you were out,” Oak spoke up, “your Pokemon told me they want to
have artificial insemination.”
That might just be the best quote of any fanfiction theater I’ve ever done.
“Huh?”
“So they can have a baby.”
“B-but they’d need a daddy for that!”
Oak patted Ash on the shoulder. “Science will be the daddy! And Pikachu
will donate his sperm.”
I take that back, this is the greatest quote of any fanfiction theater I’ve ever done.
Ash fainted again.
—
It was a week later, and Ash had brought Pikachu, Squirtle, and
Bulbasaur back to the lab for the procedure.
“Okay. Firstly,” said Oak, “do we want the baby to be a Bulbasaur or a
Squirtle?”
“Ba-saur.”
“Squirt, squirtle!”
Considering those are the only words each respective pokemon can say, Oak should have seen this coming.
“They… can’t decide,” Oak told Ash as the girlfriends glared at each
other.
“Pi-chu!”
WHY A PICHU? That doesn’t even make sense!
“Saur, bulba!”
“Pikachu wants it to be a Pichu.” A drop of swear appeared on the back
of Ash’s head.
Pikachu does not approve of Ash’s swearing bodily secretions.
“How about a Squirtasaur?” Tracey suggested as he filed books onto a
shelf. All the Pokemon seemed happy with this, but Oak shook his head.
“Can’t be done. Look, I’ll pull one out of a hat, okay?”
If that can’t be done, how can Professor Oak choose which species the pokemon will be? Scientifically that would be even harder than making a hybrid.
He grabbed Ash’s hat and put three slips of paper into it, then drew out…
“Bulbasaur it is!”
Squirtle and Pikachu pouted, but then Squirtle glanced at her mate.
Bulbasaur glanced back, and Squirtle’s frown evaporated. It didn’t
matter what kind of baby they would have. Either way, it would be
theirs, and beyond that did it matter if it was a Dunsparce?
The baby is “Dunsparce” now? Perhaps that’s the author’s name for the horrifying pikcahu-bulbasaur-squirtle monstrosity that will inevitably result.
And besides, this meant Squirtle wouldn’t have to get pregnant. She
snickered.
Aww, how cute. Not.
In this Fanfiction Theater the renowned author Nuckicide gives us his gripping tale of strength against adversity… and zombies.
Left 2 Die 4ever!
Everything was good. But then zombies come! The zombies and militarys and police first fought but there were too many zombies. The zombies were keep comings and biting people and people became zomiibies! It was scary, but everyone escaped! But there were peple who did not escapid!
How can everyone have escaped, but then some didn’t? Oh, I see everyone escaped but some people didn’t “escapid” whatever that means.
Those people were not left 4 dead but left 2 die….4ever!
Bob was a sandwich man that did karate and who was a soljur and killed Nazis so he could kill zombies easy. But he hads no guns! So he wuz running on street and zombies vampires were chasing him.
While Nuckicide probably means that Bob works at a sandwich store or something, I much rather prefer to take that comment literally. So from now on this is Bob:
“Dam [REDACTED] I has no guns!” he said. But he went to gun shop and got a shotguns and uzis and a rocket launchers. But wen he wents outside he saw over 1000 zombies.! The zmboeis were hungry and wanted to eats his brains! “NO! YOU get no brains! HEADS Go GO EXPLODE! BYE!” And he shot them in the heads with his shotguns and riped there heads of with his karate kicks! But when he killed all of thems, he saw more were coming, and he had no ammo left.
“!” yelled Bob.
How does one pronounce “!” anyway? I’m guessing he yelled “Exclamation point” really, really loud.
“NOMOREGUNSBULLETS!” So he threw the gunz and they eksploded because guns have gunpowder in them and they killed a hundred more zombies.
I don’t think that’s how guns work. Also, I dare you to work “NOMOREGUNSBULLETS!” into a conversation.
But then a chopper came in the sky. The man in the chopper said “We needs you Bob! You are the last hope for the humans!”
Bob ran after the chopper to the city, but a tank came chase him.
Wait, does he mean tank like a regular tank, or tank like the big zombies from Left 4 Dead? Perhaps he means a tank in a tank!
“Dam! I need a car!” So he went to a police car wich was on the road. But police car had no gas! “DAM! I need gas!” But there was no gas and the zombies were keep coming.
“I need plan, but cant think fast! I need pilz!” And Bob ate the pilzl and it made his IQ go to 9999!
What sort of pills are those and where can I get them?
SO he thourhgt supa fast and pored a bunch of molotovs which were made of super fuel in the gas tank.
Wow! I certainly couldn’t have come up with putting some conveniently placed super fuel in the car’s gas tank without using pilz!
“DAMN! THIS Car goes faster than sound!” and he rode on the road and the street went to fire because the wheels were so hot. The zombies al l went on fire and died, but they couldn’t die because they were already dead so they kept coming.
… What?
“DAMN! The zombiesz aaare ssttil cuming!” said Bob. “Im goin to bust a caps in sum [REDACTED]!” And Bob did a sideflip out of the car and the car crashed and it smashed a bunch tanks and hunters and boomers and wiches and zombies vampires.
But the zombies kept coming.
But Bob got a scar from the police car so he went and attaked the zmboies to get to the choppa!
He got a scar and that made him go to the choppa? This story seems to run entirely on rule of cool with little to no logic. Not that I’m complaining.
But it wuz taking too long to killz the zombies! So the only thing he could do was get the shots that made him go faster because there was a super chemical called Ajrenalin that makes you go super fast like the Matrix.
So Bob used his Karate skills kick the cars and make them hit the zombies. But the zombies were still could do only one thing. HE HAD TO GET to the Helicopter. So he ran but he saw a woman getting hurt by zombies so he took his knife and threw it and it stabed through 5 zombies and killed them.
So getting set on fire, getting shot, or getting run over can’t kill zombies but getting stabbed by a knife can? I’m afraid I don’t believe the validity of your sandwich fighting zombies fanfiction!
“Oh my God you saved me !” said the woman.
“We have to get out of city or we die woman. Here’s a guns.”
But the zombies kept coming. So they had to runs away but the zombies were faster and they had no car to ride. But they ran and there was a wall and zombies were coming so they were about to dies wen Bob got the pillz.
“HOLD ON! My pils will SAVE Us! They give me ideas!” And Bob ate the pilz. “WE need to get to da CHOPPA!”
But he was already on his way to the choppa. I’m starting to think that the “pilz” are a placebo, and a very poor one at that.
So Bob ran and picked up the girl threw her up into the sky.
“Shoot bomb down so I jump and go super high!”
I can’t possibly imagine this plan not working. Note the sarcasm. 
The woman said “KK!” and she threw grenade and it exploded and Bob and woman went super high and landed in the chopper.
Aw, darn it! It did work.
The guy in the chopper had dark glasses on and a suit and he said.
“Greetings. I see you have made it. But this is not right. You are not left 4 dead. You are left 2 die 4 ever! SO YOU CANNOT LIVe!”
To be continued….
Oh dear! What terrifying conundrum have Bob and the woman gotten themselves into now? Maybe once I’m done uploading all these old ones and have MSTed the super awesome thing I found I’ll review the sequel.
We interrupt your normally (un)scheduled fanfiction theater to bring you a special Valentine’s Day story from our old friend Sue Mary. It is a tale about how no matter who or what you are, love can still be found.
Unraqated Loove
Squarebob was do the Valemtines happy bu wass ad at no much levo on da speshul day. “If ony I culd have a good Valebtin!” Partick was not enuff an Sandy’s cheeks where too much full of sand an poo.
Wait, wait, wait WHAT?
SpringBub did a cry walked into dark alley streets. “Why am’t love so hard for locashun?” Mr. Karb disdent care an only made da monies of labor an meatstuff. De repente, a plain was got crash into da buildnig an it felled overed an killed some guys an blow up a car an mad a kid drop hism ice creem.
Spengbab did’t notice the crush as eh was loning in a sadsack advent. A car drivled past an hit Spone to so much hard it went up to a far way place. “OMG Im soooo sorry!” The car said an it wud a turk.
Just when I think I’ve seen all horrible fanfiction has to offer, in comes a talking Turkish car. He must be from the new Cars movie!
“OGM Al talkin turk!” Da turk was transfarm an Spongebub see da shock of it. “Im not a turk. My nam is Optimus Prime!”
I don’t think any could have ever seen this coming. Goku and Anne Frank was bad enough, but SpongeBob and Optimus Prime?!
Potimus naver before had seed a creature liek Bobsponge bu think it wad kina cute. “No, tarniformers are forbiden from have such relationships.” Potimus thinked in head muscles. Meenwhile Spangbob is feeling a strange of queston. Eh never telled no 1, but he is seekritly a gilrboy which meens he can be whichever he wants.
So SpongeBob is a transsexual now?
The too here-Os stared at eechmodder until a bom was happed. It was…..MEGATON. “Orpimus u will now tast the power of my revnage!” Megatan had a gun dat fired bolts of hart that cud kill in 1 shoot! “Opium!”
Opium Prime: he can fly and get you high!
Scremed Spange, an he reveeled da sekund seekrit. “He was a tarnfarmer 2!” A trasnormer for Spone is a fiter type wif rockts an a hed soot for make space breathe an he was now a GRILL! Opitum is cared but happy of the strang spone being a tarnfermer an girl!
I don’t really feel like making an image of SpongeBob as a girl transformer tonight, since it’s late and all, so I’ll just put the first pictures that shows up for a google image search of “SpongeBob as a girl transformer”.
Its crabs…
“WAT IS THIS BALSMEFPY?” Eegatron desmanded. “Feel da powor of my troo love!” Spojebob had side cannons an basters an shot Megotorn up reel good. Politums Prima thot of all he done and reelize “I dun car what da rools say! Spangleb, I love u!” Sponge, now a girlcar is smacked wif smitten. “I loved 2 u 2, Potums.” They held da hands an drived off for mirage in Lots Vega. It was da best Velentins Evar!
Romantac End
People do many strange things while sleepwalking, they have been documented as driving, cooking food, even committing murder. One “Scott Fibula” one ups these by claiming that he writes while sleepwalking. He claims this story is one such sleep-novel.
Note: This story features ADULT LANGUAGE. I have decided to censor this, so whenever a character says [REDACTED] that means they are swearing.
Also, while Goofy does have a son in the Disney cannon, his name is Max. I have no idea where Mr. Fibula got “Burston” from.
Burston’s Sorrow
by Scott Fibula
Goofy sip his mocha angry.
Mocha angry, available NOW at your local Starbucks!
That damn detective knew about his weakess. Now he might have to kill himself. He had moleste 7 (seven) banks in the tri-county area.
To this day I am unsure why Mr. Fibula thought it necessary to write a number, then in parenthesis its spelled version, whenever he mentions numbers in this story.
He took out his revolver. It was 1984 garnad. He pointed toward his face and shot. as the bullet his brain he thought about the banks. He stole there innocense.
Just in case you thought “moleste” was a fancy way of saying he robbed the banks this should clarify things. Goofy sexually assaulted 7 (seven) banks. Here is the shocking dramatization:
‘if i could be a bettr pokemon trainer,,,” he thought. His son burston yelled at his corpse DAD NO YOU [REDACTED]
At his funferal dolnald said to burston ‘he was a good type of man’. ‘u can’t understand meeeeeeee!’ screamed burston ayn rand to the town.
Ayn Rand?
, author of Atlas Shrugged, one of my favorite books, is in town! That’s a far more interesting plot idea than this half-baked teen angst story.
Also, a “funferal” sure sound more fun than funeral, I want one of those!
There was a linkin park concert wich was his favorite liked the music but he did not feel better. his dad shot hims face and let him alone. he went home and listen to slipknot and cut himself. His mom said do not be sad be an awsome pokemon. ‘no you [REDACTED]’ shouted burston; and went to his car. he drove the 90 (ninety) miles and shot a gun as well.
Again with the number followed by it’s spelling. Why do you do this Mr. Fibula? Also this woman is clearly not Goofy’s wife, as no real mother would tell her son to turn into a different species from A DIFFERENT FRANCHISE!
He would be an awesom pokemon trainer. He took out his pokemon and thru them at the ground. the awresome pokemon came out and saw he was sad. He had wabbafet, squirtle, dialgia, palkia, chimchar and darkshadow which was at hot topic.
I stopped following the pokemon fad in early grade school, so I’m not too familiar with some of these pokemon, so I’ll just make up what they look like for this portrait of Burston and his team!
Burstno took the pokemon to a forest and collided up a tree. at the tree there was a pokemon. he fell down into a hole.
There is so much wrong with this passage. How does one collide up up a tree? Why was there a pokemon at the tree? And how did “Burstno” manage to go from the top of a tree inot a hole?
There was the band suicide silence and all there pokemon. ‘Burston we will hlp you be an awesome trainer and a heero!’they said. they trained pokemon for an hour until the tournament.
At there was a really [REDACTED] big fight and they all fought and burston wrote a song.
Burston killed the dialgia by punching it really hard. The other pokemon saaid SKEEEEEE but thurston said ‘go back to work [REDACTED]!’
He killed one of his own pokemon? I’m sorry Burston but if you keep team-killing there’s no way you will ever become an “awresom pokemon trainer”. Also what does “SKEEEEEE” mean?
Burston won the fight and killed every pokemon. He was an awesome trainer and he killed his hhiilary duff and a rabbit.
DETECTIVE
That is not an error. I did not forget to post the rest of the story. It really does end with just the word “detective” in all capital letters. See people, this is why sleepwalking is bad!
Welcome friends to another mind-numbing edition of Fanfiction Theater! This story’s author is unknown but apparently is someone from France attempting to write English. It shows… a lot.
Sonic To A Car
so sonic to lok, but tails. not a tails but a knuckles.
So which is it? Tails or Knuckles? Maybe it’s “Knuck-ails”?
so sonic to zoom in a speeding but not fast than a speed. so speed. so sonic locked up and stole a car, to increasment his spead.
Let me get this straight, Sonic, who’s sole gimmic is that he’s a hedgehog that runs really really fast, needs to steal a car to “increasment” his “spead”? Either Sonic is down on his luck or that must be some car.
but police come and jail of sonic, so sonic a jail. “no” say sonic,, “jail” so a jail was sonic.
As punishment for stealing a car, the authorities appear to have opted not to put Sonic in jail, but to turn him into one! This is a hard concept to grasp, so here’s an artist’s depiction:
but tails paid a bail. so sonic was not a jail, but a car to steal.
Oh, my bad. Sonic wasn’t a jail, he was a car. Disregard the previous image.
and no one trust sonic from a car steall. so no. so sonic do not creation trust, and no trust does he creation. so no trust. but not. and so of the landing a trust to fly away, that sonic a criminals. so sonic back in jail, for sure.. so tails no have the bail, and knuckles not paying. so the sonics in the jail to stay.
If anyone can find any sliver of comprehensibility in this paragraph, please tell me.
but robots. with no sonic, robots took the city and soon police go we want a sonic out so a sonic out a was. sonic go out. so sonic was out, but much. of sonic. so then sonic destroy the robot of his power, but then sonic was much, so there was. not many. of those.. so sonic deleted the robots but a deletion of the files were corruipted a nd there was comptuer virus. there was bad, but sonic coud no fix, so bad. sonic try to technolcogy but no do, as sonic no schols. so tails to look, but virus were everywhere, it millenisum and so virus. but tails make a spanner and virus gone.
I thought this story was about Sonic stealing a car, now it appears to be a alternate version of events in which Y2K actually destroyed the world. 
knuckles did no understand the computerings, but workings. so metal sonic makeing a new virus to spread, but the viruscomes alive and out of computer.
Oh great, it’s Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase all over again.
no sonics to saveing. so sonic does no look from virus but virus to eat people.
You heard that right, somehow, the computer virus is now eating people, Y2K was going to be a lot worse than people imagined it seems.
sonic in make shock, but tails and knuckles to rexlaxing. so much for the plans of sonics. so sonic to attack virus and virus to attack. but not. so virus to rejection of much attackments. but no workings. because.
Out of Sonic becoming a jail, a virus eating people and more, the part of this story that stands out the most for me is that the author believes “because.” is a complete sentence.
so the viruss to go and make destroy. so sonic to attack but no failing. so the virus were gone. but no long. for the virus laid a baby viruss.
If you thought the idea of a virus eating people was bad, well now it apparently has the ability to lay “a baby viruss” whatever that is.
the viruss to run around and more destruction was create. so sonic shut down al tehcnology and all was loosed. but for sonic make an amy so he made a protection!
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should never steal a car. If you do you’ll become a jail, then “a car steal” then Y2K will happen and the virus will eat people and make baby “viruss”es and finally you’ll destroy all “tehcnology” but its okay because you can make an amy so you made a protection!
This time we have a World of Warcraft fanfiction.
I’d thought this gem lost forever, but I finally found it. This is by far the best WoW story ever written. Ever.
It was first posted on the official World of Warcraft forums, but its author has been lost to time.
Horde and Allys Beat the Lich King
Thrall and Varian Worm
Varian’s last name is spelled Wyrnn. It’s not even pronounced “worm” its pronounced like “Rhenn”. Oh, where was I?
started to climb into a huge peak. Behind them were the forces of the alliance and the horde! “Hey Varian, do you think we’ll kill the lich king?” thrall asked.
“of course thrall, everyone’s a winner!”
Varian sure seems chipper, I wonder what happened to that whole “the orcs must be annihilated” stuff at the Battle of Undercity?
So, all of the faction leaders followed thrall and varian up the steps of ice crown citadel, but little did they know the lich king had a few tricks up his sleeves!
“RELEASE THE HOUNDS!” the evil cold king said, and hundreds of flaming blue dogs came down the steps and attacked thrall and varian!
“uh oh, these guys are 80 elites! Thrall said.
Remember, this is meant to be a serious piece of literature…
“don’t worry thrall we’ve got them EVERYONE TO YOUR BATTLE STATIONS” varian yelled.
So then everyone beat up the dogs and then AN EPIC DROPPED!
“uh oh this is a good item [hound dogs teeth]” thrall said
Thrall was right! That is a good item.
“don’t worry I don’t ninja everyone roll”
Greed roll 35 varian worm
Wrynn, it is spelled W-Y-R-N-N!
Greed roll 66 thrall
Greed roll 50 brann bronze beard
Greed roll 100 hogger
“gratz” said varian as he climbed the stairs
“wait gotta mana up” said the healz. While they were manaing up, the lich king was at the top of the fortress and looked into a crystal ball. It shows everyone and he smashed the ball in anger!
“they musnt get up here!”
The lich king pressed a button that made a giant abomination!
“ill name you pretty and you will destroy these intruders!”
Pretty ran down to them as fast as he could. “you no get up top!”
“its ok, im the gnome king, I got this guys.” said the gnome king and he beat up pretty all by himself.
Mekkatorque’s battle prowess never cease to amaze me.
Then, another epic dropped!
“kk, everyone roll” varian said as he was buffing everyone up
Varian is a warrior, he can’t “buff everyone up” unless he’s using his shouts but they only have a short duration…
Greed roll 100 thrall
“grats”
“thx”
The lich king threw frostmourne against the wall in anger!
“this is horrible! What if they get up here! They must!”
They must? Maybe there’s still a bit of Arthas left after all!
So then thrall and varian and everyone ran up the stairs and up and fought many bosses and a lot of epics dropped.
“wow my bag is getting full of epix lol” said brann bronze beard who won 5 epics the entire time they were there
“varian said” branze are you sure your not a ninja
“lol of course not im not even the group leader”
“kk”
Then they finally got to the top.
“varian and thrall and everyone else I think its time you all felt the true power of the lich king!
Then bran bronze bread came to the lich king and said “I fooled you I am ninja! And I work for the lich king now lol”
I guess all that time getting beat up by iron dwarves and stone heads in the Halls of Stone have taken their toll on Brann.
“BRANN!!! Your getting guild kicked for this
Brann bronze eared was kicked from the guild by varian worm
Brann bronze bread has left the group
“you were a terrible tank anyway you couldn’t keep agro!”
“lol”
Brann’s class is never stated in the lore, but his lack of warrior type or magic abilities leads me to believe he’s a rogue. If so that means…
EVASION TANK GO! GO!
Enough! “the lich king said” “I think its time you felt the true power of the lich king!”
Then the lich king killed everyone except thrall!
“noo! The lich king, how dare you!”
“ha ha ha ha! I will now finish you, puny orc!”
Then, someone said something in thralls ear: don’t worry young warrior you will succeed”
I’m going to go ahead and guess that the someone is Yoda.
Then thrall said “no you wont! I am thrall, champion of the horde!”
Then thrall got healed up to 100% and then thrall said “now feel the true power of the horde!”
Then the lich king said “no! this is impossible!”
“no, this is Sparta!”
And then the thrall killed the lich king.
Now that’s how you end a villain of Lich King proportions Blizzard!
10 years later:
Thrall stood in a graveyard and said “I miss you varian”, you will be remembered by both the horde and alliance.
THE END!
What about all the other leaders who died? Why would the horde remember Varian when they hate him and he died before he could even fight the Lich King? I assume everyone, including myself, is laughing too much to care.
In this edition we will be reading one of the works of an author by the name of Jack Russel. Jack specifically calls this his “valentines special” and you will soon see why. I give you a tale love, time travel, and robot android machines. I give you:
Titanic: The Wedding
Lura was a on the Titanic and drink wine. She was going to get marryied to Mike Tomson and she was realy exited as she liked ships.
And not because she’s getting married? This relationship won’t last long.
“This is a great ship she” siad to self.
Lhura talked to her brother billy who was also exited about teh wedding, “It makes me whish i had’t split up with my second wife he” sayed. Lura had met Mike at a shop were they fell in lvoe with each other.
More proof that they’re not meant to be. They were never in love, just in “lvoe”.
Lura got on weding dess and head to the alter.
Meanwhile…
Tina knew that she had to stop the wedding as she was a detative from the future and knew that Lura and Mike’s dauter would grow up to become an evil dictator and start a nucler war with France, Amrica, Korea, Belgium and the rest of the world.
I’ve spent weeks studying maps of the world and I still cannot find “Amrica”.
“I have to stop the wedding” she sayed, She ran into the alter room and shouted “STOP THE WEDDING, THIS WEDDING MUST BE STOPPED!111”. But she was stopped and trown back to the future.
Wait, if they knew she was from the future, and thus knew that it was a wasteland and she was stopping it, why did they “trow” her back?
Tina looked around teh westland that had been made by the nuclear war destroied buidings were everywere and nuclear winter was going on, “I must stop this future” She saided. Tina then stated to look for componats for her time machine.
Just then she was attacked by a space mutant which was made from nucler radiaon and nucler snow. She got out her gut and shot at it but it didn’t work
“She got out her gut”, artist’s depiction:
, so she tried a moar powerfull weepon and injured the mutant.
Tina then foud the last part of her time machine and whent back to the past. “If there’s ny resean why they should not marry say NOW!11” Said the priest, Tina new that she had do somthing fast but what. Then she had an idea.
“I know” she said. “Lura I what to marry” Tina sid. “Whell you are kina cute” Lura said “I will marry Tina”.
What…
“I will knot let my duagter marry another women” sayed Lura’s father with rage. “But yoy have to” said Tina, “Your rite” he said as knew the Tina was right.
Tina and Lura were just about to get marryed when an Evil Android Machine Robart came from the futuer to stop the wedding. “YO WILL ALL DIE!1111” The Evil Android Machine Robot shouted.
So it’s a gangster on top of being an Evil Android Machine “Robart” too?
Tina and Lura started to attack the Evil Android Machine Robot and it fort them back. They fighting an epic battle when Tina and Lura started to losed the fight. Then the Evil Android Machine Robot satred to charged its lazor cannons to kill Tina and Lura.
When the Titanic started sinkg.
Oh yeah, this is a Titanic fanfiction. I had completely forgotten.
“Quick get to teh time macine” sayed Tina. So Tina and Lura whent into Time Macine just as the Titanic sank and took the Evil Android Machine Robot with it.
Tina and Lura escaped back to futuer which was now happy place instead of dead and nuclear wared like it was. “We did” Lura sayed with joy and they kissed.
A year later Tina and Lura were married and Lura was pregnant with Tina’s Lezbain child.
THE END
They had a “Lezbain” child. Somehow that not as bad but close to as bad as Master Chief ordering his soldiers to do unspeakable things to the covenant troops in terms of insanity.
Fanfiction Theater 