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Fanfiction Theater #17: Bob the Sandwich Man in “Left 2 Die 4ever”

August 17, 2011

In this Fanfiction Theater the renowned author Nuckicide gives us his gripping tale of strength against adversity… and zombies.

Left 2 Die 4ever!

Everything was good. But then zombies come! The zombies and militarys and police first fought but there were too many zombies. The zombies were keep comings and biting people and people became zomiibies! It was scary, but everyone escaped! But there were peple who did not escapid!

How can everyone have escaped, but then some didn’t? Oh, I see everyone escaped but some people didn’t “escapid” whatever that means.

Those people were not left 4 dead but left 2 die….4ever!

Bob was a sandwich man that did karate and who was a soljur and killed Nazis so he could kill zombies easy. But he hads no guns! So he wuz running on street and zombies vampires were chasing him.

While Nuckicide probably means that Bob works at a sandwich store or something, I much rather prefer to take that comment literally. So from now on this is Bob:

“Dam [REDACTED] I has no guns!” he said. But he went to gun shop and got a shotguns and uzis and a rocket launchers. But wen he wents outside he saw over 1000 zombies.! The zmboeis were hungry and wanted to eats his brains! “NO! YOU get no brains! HEADS Go GO EXPLODE! BYE!” And he shot them in the heads with his shotguns and riped there heads of with his karate kicks! But when he killed all of thems, he saw more were coming, and he had no ammo left.
“!” yelled Bob.

How does one pronounce “!” anyway? I’m guessing he yelled “Exclamation point” really, really loud.

“NOMOREGUNSBULLETS!” So he threw the gunz and they eksploded because guns have gunpowder in them and they killed a hundred more zombies.

I don’t think that’s how guns work. Also, I dare you to work “NOMOREGUNSBULLETS!” into a conversation.

But then a chopper came in the sky. The man in the chopper said “We needs you Bob! You are the last hope for the humans!”

Bob ran after the chopper to the city, but a tank came chase him.

Wait, does he mean tank like a regular tank, or tank like the big zombies from Left 4 Dead? Perhaps he means a tank in a tank!

 “Dam! I need a car!” So he went to a police car wich was on the road. But police car had no gas! “DAM! I need gas!” But there was no gas and the zombies were keep coming.

“I need plan, but cant think fast! I need pilz!” And Bob ate the pilzl and it made his IQ go to 9999!

What sort of pills are those and where can I get them?

 SO he thourhgt supa fast and pored a bunch of molotovs which were made of super fuel in the gas tank. 

Wow! I certainly couldn’t have come up with putting some conveniently placed super fuel in the car’s gas tank without using pilz!

“DAMN! THIS Car goes faster than sound!” and he rode on the road and the street went to fire because the wheels were so hot. The zombies al l went on fire and died, but they couldn’t die because they were already dead so they kept coming.

… What?

“DAMN! The zombiesz aaare ssttil cuming!” said Bob. “Im goin to bust a caps in sum [REDACTED]!” And Bob did a sideflip out of the car and the car crashed and it smashed a bunch tanks and hunters and boomers and wiches and zombies vampires.

But the zombies kept coming.

But Bob got a scar from the police car so he went and attaked the zmboies to get to the choppa!

He got a scar and that made him go to the choppa? This story seems to run entirely on rule of cool with little to no logic. Not that I’m complaining.

 But it wuz taking too long to killz the zombies! So the only thing he could do was get the shots that made him go faster because there was a super chemical called Ajrenalin that makes you go super fast like the Matrix.

So Bob used his Karate skills kick the cars and make them hit the zombies. But the zombies were still could do only one thing. HE HAD TO GET to the Helicopter. So he ran but he saw a woman getting hurt by zombies so he took his knife and threw it and it stabed through 5 zombies and killed them.

So getting set on fire, getting shot, or getting run over can’t kill zombies but getting stabbed by a knife can? I’m afraid I don’t believe the validity of your sandwich fighting zombies fanfiction!

“Oh my God you saved me !” said the woman.

“We have to get out of city or we die woman. Here’s a guns.”

But the zombies kept coming. So they had to runs away but the zombies were faster and they had no car to ride. But they ran and there was a wall and zombies were coming so they were about to dies wen Bob got the pillz.

“HOLD ON! My pils will SAVE Us! They give me ideas!” And Bob ate the pilz. “WE need to get to da CHOPPA!”

But he was already on his way to the choppa. I’m starting to think that the “pilz” are a placebo, and a very poor one at that.

So Bob ran and picked up the girl threw her up into the sky.

“Shoot bomb down so I jump and go super high!”

I can’t possibly imagine this plan not working. Note the sarcasm. 

The woman said “KK!” and she threw grenade and it exploded and Bob and woman went super high and landed in the chopper.

Aw, darn it! It did work.

The guy in the chopper had dark glasses on and a suit and he said.

“Greetings. I see you have made it. But this is not right. You are not left 4 dead. You are left 2 die 4 ever! SO YOU CANNOT LIVe!”

To be continued….

Oh dear! What terrifying conundrum have Bob and the woman gotten themselves into now? Maybe once I’m done uploading all these old ones and have MSTed the super awesome thing I found I’ll review the sequel.

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From → MSTs, Video Games

One Comment
  1. The Light in the Dark permalink

    …Why do the zombies keep coming? Zombie stripclub-ohgodnobrainstopitbadbrain.

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