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Fanfiction Theater #18: Pikachu in “Two Mommies”

August 17, 2011

This story comes from author “Ketsuban”.

Two Mommies

a Pokemon fanfiction by Ketsuban
Seventeen-year-old Ash Ketchum grabbed a soda from the refrigerator,
plopped onto the sofa, and flipped on the television to watch a rerun of
his battle against the Hoenn League champion, Daigo.

So wait, the pokemon anime exists in this universe? Ash is watching his cartoon self? Or is his journey some sort of reality show now?

 Ever since that
victory, he’d grown lazy and moved back home with his mother, and
planned to live there until he was thirty.

I don’t think that Ketsuban likes Ash very much.
“A-ash,” Delia scolded. “You know perfectly well that my -favorite- soap
opera is on right now.”

“Yeah, I know, Mom. But…”

“No buts.” Delia grabbed the remote and changed the channel. The logo
for “As the PokeWorld Turns” appeared, followed by an image of a
Bulbasaur lying in a hospital bed.

“Congratulations, it’s an egg!” a doctor said, handing an egg to the
Pokemon, who held it close to herself and glanced around suspiciously.

“Romano is going to try and kill my baby…”

Who is Romano? How can the bulbasaur talk?

Delia screamed something about Romano being a good guy, then composed
herself and wondered, “Say, why hasn’t -your- Bulbasaur had babies yet?”

Ash glanced over at his Squirtle and Bulbasaur, curled up asleep
together in a corner. “I dunno. Bulbasaur’s the girl, right?”

No wonder Ash isn’t a pokemon master yet, he can’t even be bothered to tell if his pokemon are male or female!

“I think so.”

“After they wake up I’ll take them to Professor Oak’s and ask.”

“ROMANO!” the Bulbasaur on the screen exclaimed as a shadowy Raichu
burst into the room.

Well at least we know who Romano is now.

“Professor O-ak!” Ash called into the laboratory. He was followed by
Pikachu, Bulbasaur, and Squirtle.

Pikachu came for kicks.

“Why, hello, Ash!” Oak appeared from somewhere, along with his wife,
Muk. “What is it?”

Professor Oak married Muk for her personality obviously.

“I just realized that Bulbasaur and Squirtle have never had babies, and
I came to find out why.”

Oak raised an eyebrow. “Why would they have babies?”

Pikachu nodded solemnly. Bulbasaur blushed, and Squirtle muttered
something in Squirtle-talk.

“They’ve mated a lot,” Ash explained. “They try to hide it, but
sometimes I peek in on them.”

Ash. Watches. His Pokemon. Mate. That is so wrong!

“BULBA!” Bulbasaur sank her teeth into Ash’s leg. Pikachu and Squirtle
tried vainly to pull her away.

“Muuuk.”

“Ash, I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll be blunt…” Oak cleared
his throat. “Bulbasaur and Squirtle are both female.”

That Oak can tell that from just a glance at them only furthers my assumption that Ash is the worst pokemon trainer in history.

Ash fainted, Bulbasaur still attached to his leg.

When he came to, a circle of faces was looking down at him – Oak, Muk,
Pikachu, Bulbasaur, Squirtle, and new arrivals Gary and Tracey, who were
naked except for towels wrapped around their waists.

Obviously they’ve been mating too.

“You okay, loser?” Gary wondered.

“Yeah, yeah… sorta freaked out, though…” Ash shot a paranoid glance
at Bulbasaur and Squirtle. Then he saw that Bulbasaur had one Vine Whip
vine extended, and was holding Squirtle’s hand.

“EWW!” He jumped to his feet and backed away quickly. “Ew. Ew.”

“What ‘ew’?” Tracey said. “They do that all the time.”

“But now I know they’re both girls.” Ash o.O’ed, and Tracey had to
restrain Gary to keep him from punching Ash.

Its some sort of anime-emoticon, I think.

“Bulba,” Bulbasaur spat.

“Tle,” Squirtle agreed.

“While you were out,” Oak spoke up, “your Pokemon told me they want to
have artificial insemination.”

That might just be the best quote of any fanfiction theater I’ve ever done.

“Huh?”

“So they can have a baby.”

“B-but they’d need a daddy for that!”

Oak patted Ash on the shoulder. “Science will be the daddy! And Pikachu
will donate his sperm.”

I take that back, this is the greatest quote of any fanfiction theater I’ve ever done.

Ash fainted again.

It was a week later, and Ash had brought Pikachu, Squirtle, and
Bulbasaur back to the lab for the procedure.

“Okay. Firstly,” said Oak, “do we want the baby to be a Bulbasaur or a
Squirtle?”

“Ba-saur.”

“Squirt, squirtle!”

Considering those are the only words each respective pokemon can say, Oak should have seen this coming.

“They… can’t decide,” Oak told Ash as the girlfriends glared at each
other.

“Pi-chu!”

WHY A PICHU? That doesn’t even make sense!

“Saur, bulba!”

“Pikachu wants it to be a Pichu.” A drop of swear appeared on the back
of Ash’s head.

Pikachu does not approve of Ash’s swearing bodily secretions.

“How about a Squirtasaur?” Tracey suggested as he filed books onto a
shelf. All the Pokemon seemed happy with this, but Oak shook his head.

“Can’t be done. Look, I’ll pull one out of a hat, okay?”

If that can’t be done, how can Professor Oak choose which species the pokemon will be? Scientifically that would be even harder than making a hybrid.

He grabbed Ash’s hat and put three slips of paper into it, then drew out…
“Bulbasaur it is!”

Squirtle and Pikachu pouted, but then Squirtle glanced at her mate.
Bulbasaur glanced back, and Squirtle’s frown evaporated. It didn’t
matter what kind of baby they would have. Either way, it would be
theirs, and beyond that did it matter if it was a Dunsparce?

The baby is “Dunsparce” now? Perhaps that’s the author’s name for the horrifying pikcahu-bulbasaur-squirtle monstrosity that will inevitably result.

And besides, this meant Squirtle wouldn’t have to get pregnant. She
snickered.

Aww, how cute. Not.

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From → MSTs, Video Games

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