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Fanfiction Theater #20: Batman in “The Darker Knight”, Part 1

September 11, 2011

Now I proudly present the first fanfiction theater written for this blog instead of just out of a backlog of old ones. This one is an admitted trollfic, but that doesn’t bother me, as long as you take treat it seriously it can still be just as funny. I present one Cafe Hoax Zest’s magnum opus “The Darker Knight”.

The Darker Knight

Bruce Waine was sitting on computer reading repoort about many people being dead because of Batman when really because of Too-Face. Bruce Waine slam coffee mug on table and splash hit paper. Batman look at paper and see pichure of dead mom and dad.

How can he see the paper if it’s covered in coffee?

“i must not give up to stop this crime stopping.” Bruce Waine said. Bruce Waine goes to his his AIM and look for name of someone to help. Only one mperson online.

“Hello I’m Batman do you want to help me fight crime?” People totally won’t think this is some sort of child predator scheme…

“hello” Brucce Waine tiped.

“Yes.” tiped the other person.

“I am being accused of mumur.” Said Bruce Waine.

Cheer up Bruce, at least you’re not being accused of murder, oh wait…

“well i can help u.” tiped other person.

“Then we must team up.” Bruce Waine

“Indeed.” The person reply.

Soon Bruce Waine go to his cousin house to team up with Betty Waine.

Some people might ask how Bruce “Waine” knew that other person was actually this Betty Waine character, but I remembered an important detail that Cafe Hoax Zest seems to have as well: Batman is the world’s greatest detective!

He pull into house with Batmobile and see cousin standing there. Betty Waine had blues eyes and brown hairs. she was tall and skinny and war makeup. she looked like Meghan Fox and had boobs the size of melons that had vitemin d milk.

Betty, it might be a bit early to be saying this, but have you considered changing your name to “Mary Sue”?

“Cousin” Betty Waine said.

“Hello.” Says Bruce Waine.

“Now we must stop crime.”

Bruce Waine nodded and Betty Waine entered car. they drove back to gotham and went to back cave where Bruce Waine put on his batsuit and Betty Waine but on Bat Bikini.

Yep, all that bullet proof stuff and armor the batsuit provides isn’t really necessary. Betty could probably run around naked and not get harmed.

Batman and Batcousin go to middle of Gothham and lok for crime. Soon Too-Face comes to center and looks at Batman.

“You are ded” say Batman.

“Only my one face is dead. I have two!” Too-Face yell at Batman.

That’s… actually a pretty cool superpower. Except Two Face doesn’t have superpowers, at least in the Nolan movies which is what this story was posted under.

“Well I kill other face and make you deadface!” Batman is saying.

Batman through Batarang and it hit Too-Face but it only destoryed nonvital organs like Intestanes and liver and bladder.

Good thing it missed the vital ones like the appendix and gallbladder.

“That did not even hurt silly Bat.” Too0Face laughed.

Too-face jhumped at Batman and and tackle him to ground. Batcousin grbbed a hammer and smash Too-Faces two faces.

“Your corpse has been grinded” Batcousin yelled as raise bloody hummer over head.

Grinded?

But Killer Croc jump out of Bush and Bush and grab Too-Face’ses body.

“Roar” Killer croc yelled and ran off. “We fix Too-Face and we kill you all.” Then showed Batman that he capture Morgan Freeman.

“No! Morgan Freeman!” Batman yelled but was too late to be rescue him.

Morgan Freeman dropped geologist’s hammer and Batman picked it up.

Freeman was getting in character for his new movie “March of the Geologists”.

“I shall take this. And someday soon I will return it to you. Morgan Freeman.”

Camera zoomed out of Batman and light faded.

Batman, you ate a camera again? That could mess up your non-vital intestines and liver and bladder!

TOBE Continyoued

Next time on this insanely long story we meet up with Commissioner Gordon “Freeman”. You can see where this is going.

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