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Fanfiction Theater #5: Master Chief in “Halo: Time Paradox”, Part 1

August 17, 2011
Today’s installment of Fanfiction Theater comes from famed author ComicsNix, who manages to combine the insanity of Goku/Anne Frank Until the End of Time with the bad spelling of Sue Mary’s stories.
The author – helo again people! Halo is not mine nor Master Chief.

This time, I went with something different. I can’t tell wath it is, because of spoilers, but I hope you like!

Just so you know, it’s “something different” because there isn’t gratuitous adult content and violence that makes Saw look g-rated.

Halo: Time Paradox

Part 1: The Invasion

I’ts the 26th century. The Covernant are destroyng the human bases and only Mater Chief can save the galaxy.

Mater Chief?

Oh dear…

 At this moment, Master Chief is invading a Covenant ship. He exploede the door with a big gun.


MasterChief was leading a big soldier’s squadrom, and they had very good wepaon. The were swating:

Swating? These guys are SPARTANS not the SWAT team!

“Master! The covenart are gettin out throgh the hole we opened!” cried soldier.

“Don’t pain my fellow soodier. We will be victory!” attested Master Chief.

Master Chief truly has a way with words.

The started to shoot the Covenant, and big green splashed of blood started to spill from their bullet hols! Master moved and them kicked a Covenant in the face, exposing inner organs and blood and veins:

“Die you alien slag!”

Big arachnometallic monster appeared above the ship. “It’s the counterattack!” shouted Master.

 The acchnometaalic monsters were in the number of three and started to grab fellow soldiers, sucking thm in and making chopped meat from them, because in their anal passage, the arachnometallic monster had saws and sharped blades to cut of limbs from soldiers. Master looked and had an idead:

Nightmare Fuel, pure nightmare fuel that passage is.

“Shoot to the ANUS!” 

And now the Nightmare Fuel is gone.
because the anus is the powersorce, were it cut soldiers and transform them into energy. The soldiers started to shoot and lots of blood and carnage fell from the bullet holes. He arachnometallic monsters were animals too, because they were bleeding. Covenant turnend them into assassinic monstrer to destroy humans.A moment later, they exploded with a big bang!

The soldiers liked very much Master Chief, because he was big and much stronger than then. He had a very cool helmet. “SOOOOOLDIERS! Enter the ship!”

“The soldiers liked very much Master Chief, because he was big and much stronger than then. He had a very cool helmet.” ComicsNix is the master of exposition. Also, he’s wearing standard issues SPARTAN gear, his helmet is the same as everyone else’s.

The soldiers entered shooting everywhere, opening holes in the ship hull and let vacuum enter the ship. Luckly the soldiers had oxygen maks.

Oxygen “maks” aren’t going to protect you against being sucked into the vacuum of space. ComisNix should know that, especially considering his Fairly Odd Parents story has references to Plato and in his profile he says he’s “at the college studying meteorological sciences”.

Master Chief kicked and punched a lot o Covenats, explodsimg their skull with his powerful blows. But one evil fiend was planning Master Chief depart. It wasa the covenant ship leader. He was at his room and was talking with his daughter, a good fighter and very beatiful lady.

I have a feeling that ComicsNix has never played Halo, as anyone who’s seen a covenant should know that they could not be called beautiful by human standards. Maybe the daughter is adopted?

“My daughter, do you undersatand our plan to destroy Mater Chief?” asked the father“Yes father, I will destroy Master Chief the way we planned”The Covenant daughter prepared the trap to Master Chief. It was a big portal the Covenant found in abandoned planet. They didn’t knew what it was. But it was big, and looked dangerous. That would kill MASTER CHIEF!

The covenant are willing to use unknown alien technology just because it “was big, and looked dangerous”. How did they win the war again?

Master was moving with his soldiers in the ship, aproaxing the ship’s bridge to capture the ship’s commander. Master chief cried to his soldiers:

“MOVE ON! You are destroyng this crap of ship and are much stronger than alien tramps!”

The soldiers were motivated and started to hug themselves, to transmit the soldier way of fight life.

I don’t know how to make a picture of a squadron of SPARTANS hugging themselves, to “transmit the soldier way of fight life”, but make one in your head please.In the comand room the daughter prepared the mchine. Master chief was aproaxing the room. Master them blowed the heel of the door and charged in:“CHARGE!” cried the strong Chief warrior.

The daughter said:

“Ah, right where I wanted!” and activeted the machive.

A big vortex started to apear in thae room. And started to suk everyone in.

“What is this? A man trap?” shouted Master Chied to the daughter.

That’s an… odd choice of words.
She was confeused, because it did not blasted Master’s inner organs as her fater said.“ather, you said you knew how iy worked!”But father was laughing, because he really knew. He wanted his daughter out of the way. She was just too much fair with the enemy. But he was cruel, and dn’t wanted a fair heir to his cruel army. So he tricked her.

“HAHAGAGAGAGA, farewell my child and you too CHIEF!”

Best. Evil Laugh. Ever.

Master and the daughter got sucked in the vortex inside it.

Oh no! Where have Master and daughter been sucked inside it to? Find out in part 2! Also you might be wondering why this is under “inexplicable crossovers”, well don’t worry, that will make itself apparent soon enough.

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