Fanfiction Theater #14: Sonic the Hedgehog in “Sonic to a Car”

Welcome friends to another mind-numbing edition of Fanfiction Theater! This story’s author is unknown but apparently is someone from France attempting to write English. It shows… a lot.

Sonic To A Car

so sonic to lok, but tails. not a tails but a knuckles.

So which is it? Tails or Knuckles? Maybe it’s “Knuck-ails”?

so sonic to zoom in a speeding but not fast than a speed. so speed. so sonic locked up and stole a car, to increasment his spead.

Let me get this straight, Sonic, who’s sole gimmic is that he’s a hedgehog that runs really really fast, needs to steal a car to “increasment” his “spead”? Either Sonic is down on his luck or that must be some car.

but police come and jail of sonic, so sonic a jail. “no” say sonic,, “jail” so a jail was sonic.

As punishment for stealing a car, the authorities appear to have opted not to put Sonic in jail, but to turn him into one! This is a hard concept to grasp, so here’s an artist’s depiction:

but tails paid a bail. so sonic was not a jail, but a car to steal.

Oh, my bad. Sonic wasn’t a jail, he was a car. Disregard the previous image.

 and no one trust sonic from a car steall. so no. so sonic do not creation trust, and no trust does he creation. so no trust. but not. and so of the landing a trust to fly away, that sonic a criminals. so sonic back in jail, for sure.. so tails no have the bail, and knuckles not paying. so the sonics in the jail to stay.

If anyone can find any sliver of comprehensibility in this paragraph, please tell me.

 but robots. with no sonic, robots took the city and soon police go we want a sonic out so a sonic out a was. sonic go out. so sonic was out, but much. of sonic. so then sonic destroy the robot of his power, but then sonic was much, so there was. not many. of those.. so sonic deleted the robots but a deletion of the files were corruipted a nd there was comptuer virus. there was bad, but sonic coud no fix, so bad. sonic try to technolcogy but no do, as sonic no schols. so tails to look, but virus were everywhere, it millenisum and so virus. but tails make a spanner and virus gone. 

I thought this story was about Sonic stealing a car, now it appears to be a alternate version of events in which Y2K actually destroyed the world. 

knuckles did no understand the computerings, but workings. so metal sonic makeing a new virus to spread, but the viruscomes alive and out of computer.

Oh great, it’s Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase all over again.

 no sonics to saveing. so sonic does no look from virus but virus to eat people. 

You heard that right, somehow, the computer virus is now eating people, Y2K was going to be a lot worse than people imagined it seems.

sonic in make shock, but tails and knuckles to rexlaxing. so much for the plans of sonics. so sonic to attack virus and virus to attack. but not. so virus to rejection of much attackments. but no workings. because.

Out of Sonic becoming a jail, a virus eating people and more, the part of this story that stands out the most for me is that the author believes “because.” is a complete sentence.

 so the viruss to go and make destroy. so sonic to attack but no failing. so the virus were gone. but no long. for the virus laid a baby viruss.

If you thought the idea of a virus eating people was bad, well now it apparently has the ability to lay “a baby viruss” whatever that is.

 the viruss to run around and more destruction was create. so sonic shut down al tehcnology and all was loosed. but for sonic make an amy so he made a protection!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you should never steal a car. If you do you’ll become a jail, then “a car steal” then Y2K will happen and the virus will eat people and make baby “viruss”es and finally you’ll destroy all “tehcnology” but its okay because you can make an amy so you made a protection!