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Fanfiction Theater # 4: Bella, Edward, and Harry Potter in “Harry Potters Twilite”

August 16, 2011

In this edition of Fanfiction Theater we view another story by Sue Mary, this one a crossover between Twilight and Harry Potter (And Bella and Edward are inexplicably detectives working for the Scotland Yard).


First off Sue informs us of some shocking personal development:

Harry Potters Twilite

Authers Note: I took a writing clause so to learn the better spelling I hope u like my new writings better than da old junk.

So it seems a lawyer has taught her how to spell. This can’t be good…

Chepter 1: A New Doy

Edwad and Bella had discovered a dark an bad seekrit. There was wizards in da werld that live at wizard skool Hugwarts so they had to go there for investigation because in this story they are defectives!
Hugwart’s eh?

Also I fail to see how personality-less Bella and stalkerish-crazy-vampire Edward have any of the necessary qualifications to be detectives.

When they got to where they were Edurd saw a clue. “A mistery wizard clue Bella! Da trail is hot!” It turns out they had find the way inside ot Hogwarts.

Aww, I was hoping Bella would say jenkies. Also the giant bear must’ve died as their back to being Hogwarts again.

“OH NO THEY HAVE FOUND IN THE WAY INSIDES!” SCREAMED DUMMYDORE! “Noww e’ll have to let them enrolls.” Sanpe got a growling from this development.

“UNPOSSIBLE! Only wizards can the learn the Hogwarts!” Snape powered his wanded for a shoot of magic attacking. Edward used vampire shield of blood to sopt it.

“Edwarn my hero.” Bella swaned at hre boyfriend.

“OK they can learn but have to be taughted by Harry cuz I don’t like him an am I bad guy.” Snape made a hard argument so Dumbledoom had to a greet.

And so ends the first “chepter”, I bet the next one will be insanely long!

CHAPTER 2: Meeting Harry

The detectives found a way into the howgarts room where they wuld be staying with Harry Pottre. “Good day mates.” He said and wave. 

That’s it. That’s the entire chapter, we either have a madw0man or a literary genius at work here.


Meenwhile is an evil castle where Voldermort and Drawde who is Edwards evil twin becuse I wanted 2 villains to teem up but there isn’t no villian in twilite so I made him up to be one. 

WOW! She actually spelled Edward’s name right. Also there are villains in Twilight. My bother said so.

“Now the evil plan is completion.” Voldemort goated. “All weeee have to 2 do is fire this cannon at Hogwars and we win.”

“Dood plan, but what of Bella an Edwin?” Drawde asked. Mightily, a wind deskinded and blow in to see Harry and Edgar and Bellan with guns an gear.

Now she’s gone from misspelling Edward’s name to GIVING HIM NEW ONES.

“VOLDEMORT YOUR TEMPESTOUS POWERTRIP ENDS NOW!” Harry did his ‘expecto petroleum’ spell.

Expecto petroleum? Why, Harry could end the oil crisis!

Chapter 4: The Formal Battle of Good vs Evil

Harry wanded his spell but it misled an Voldemort use a gun to shot him. “BANG!” sayd the gun and Harry’s harry head burst into 10904040000000000000025illion peaces of head and death.

“Harru!” Edgar as sad the deth of his new friend but nos to keep the mammarys alive.

Mammary Glands: glands found on a female mammal which produce milk. In other words “Edgar” knows that he has to keep Harry Potter’s breasts alive.

 “Bella we have only 1 chance to stop them form shoot the cannon! Use ur most powerful attak!” Edwin protecs Bellaw ith shield of blood while Voldenort and Drawde shoot him up with gun.

“GLASIER RETREAT!” An Bellas final summons create a portal to beyond the werld and find a new ally. THE HUMEN MILIPEDE!

Bella honestly thinks that this:

Is going to save them?

 With great an speed it disablearms the cannon so Bella can kungfoojitsoo Vold an Drawde an Snape was there 2 and alos a bad guy so she kikked him.

Way to show up late for the party Snape. And color me pink, the humen milipeed did help after all.

“NO MY PANS!” Drawde watched in horrible as he seen the cannon go supernovan and explod at last second. Dust clears and all dat is left was dead and bodies. Beall had gived her life an humen millipede life 2 for cause of greatur good.

And so it ends. Wait!


A bunch of long time ears later Hogwarts had a celery for the fallen heeros. Dummeltdord said at da speech “We cannot forget da heros. IN ONION THERE IS STRENGHT. A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” An they watchled Toy Story 3 becuse it’s my favorat movie that I saw this moth.

I assume that she means that is in remembrance of the fact that both Twilight and Harry Potter have released their final books. But considering the madness seen here I would not be surprised if she actually is planning a sequel crossover between Harry Potter, Twilight, and Lost.

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