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Fanfiction Theater #1: Yoda in “STAR WARS: YODA’S QUEST”

August 15, 2011

Welcome to the first ever fanfiction theater, in which he review notable “author” Sue Mary’s epic Star War’s tale.

Yodur was at da club drinkin bear and doin it wif hot alien babes

With the first sentence Sue Mary shows us that in this thrilling tale “Yodur”, like Medivh, is a playa. Though how he manages to drink “bear” is quite a mystery. Perhaps it’s liquefied bear meat.

wen he got a call on his spacesellfone form Anarin who sayd “YOA HELP VADOR HAS KIDAPPED ME!” Soo Yoda got up “sorry ladles I haf to save my homie Ankin.” He jrumped into his space shrimp that wuz a convertible wif flaming paint an tale pips that shooted flamez and he had dise in da mirrar.

First of all, Yoda is speaking as a human would. My best guess is that he is drunk off liquefied bear meat and that instead of slurring his speech, it corrects it. Also, his convertible shrimp with flaming paint and tale pips that shooted flames complete with dise in da mirrar is far cooler than any crustacean OR ship Gorge Lucas has ever created.

 “PIMP UP!” Ydoa excreamed as he turnsed on the ignishun and droov to dad eth star.

BEST. LINE. EVER. Meanwhile at “dad eth star”…

“Ull naver get aways with this, Dark Vader!” Anakin said in his prizxon sell on death store. “No I will cuz I haf ylou kidnapped an none can safety u.” Dark Vaser went laff like HAHAHAHAHAHA becuz we was winnin! Meenwhile Yoda was goin in space traffik when his shiip got a rival gangerster challenge for a rase an as da gang lear of da jedis he hads to assept.

So the jedis are a gang? It certainly would explain why they’re so violent. Also what happened to Yoda’s space shrimp? Now he’s just go some lame ship.

Da rase wasnt lnog becuz Yoga used the farce to go faster than da otter guy. “Hay! I am much teh faster than u.” An Yodo popped a cap in da guy’s butt lol. 

“Yoga used the farce”. “used the farce”. “the farce”. So you mean to tell mean that the jedi’s force powers have been a trick all along? I am outraged! 

There wuz a huge spaceshipcr ash that bocked hes way an other probem 2 in form of shoot outr! Rivral gnag had loss of guns and lite-saberz an 1 of dem had a hossage! “Ui haf come to kil;l u Yodaf or diskracing are guy.” The gang leeder sad. “Yoda oose da forse!” Yoads seekrit voice in head tellred him to win with. An he did but still needed tyme to saf Anakin. “Oh no I alroast forgots Anin!”

I love how the hossage, spaceshipcr ash and gang battle are never mentioned again after being introduced. Sue seems to have gotten off track with making Yoda “gangster” but then remembered that this was supposed to be about Yoda saving Anakin and promptly abandoned them like a sack of wet and messy potatoes.

So he went turo speed to da dead stark and brokened in but guess who was dere…it was…AL KAPOWN (but he wast back an wite like in Nite at Da Museum 2 cuz it was a fissional movie) an he had a binch of mafio gangers to hep him! 

Glad to know that Sue Mary wants to make sure that everyone realizes that this:

Is a fissional movie. (Whatever that means)

“U R 2 l8te Yogurt becuse we aleady killd Anakin by feeting him to space sharks Al Capone goated”. “NO ANA,KIN!” 

Either Sue Mary just gave up by this point or Al Capone is supposed to be a preteen girl in this story.

And Yoda went so angary he turned into a super sayin. All da gangstars made poopoots form fear in dere pantz at da site of Yoda cuse he was super sayjin and 12 foot tall wif spiky blond hare and gowing bloo eyez.

To reiterate, this is what Yoda’s “super sayjin” form looks like:

“DYE!” He did a kapenahamenHA and bowed up da deth star an all da bad guyz and Al Captain and Dark Visor 2 so dere wut a party for him by all da otter jetis. But Yodan wast happy becuz he had falled and Anakin was ded.

The Sadly End
And what a sad end indeed. At least we learned so much about Yoda’s life outside of the movies and that Al Capone is a preteen girl.


From → Movies, MSTs

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